Fifty shades of……………….what exactly?

Ok a bit late to this one but I am still seeing all sorts of ‘anti’ 50 shades stuff over social media.

Firstly,  I will admit that I am going to go see this film ( this week hopefully) and I have read ALL of the books ( my views on these you can see here) so you can judge me right there if you like.

Secondly, I DO get the ‘domestic abuse’ issues/ angle totally and can only imagine what a living nightmare it must be to find yourself trapped in that situation.

However, that said I am a 44 year old woman who has been married for almost 21 years, I have two teenage boys and feel that I am sensible enough and have enough ‘life’ experience to be able to separate a so called ‘romantic fantasy’ from an actual real life ‘loving relationship’.

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The day my eldest was assaulted at school

This happened to us last week. On Tuesday in fact, we had a call from the school around lunchtime to say he had been punched and knocked out and an ambulance was on the way. To say we were gobsmacked would be a huge understatement. we literally couldn’t believe it. My eldest, who is 16 yrs old, has never been in trouble at school or anywhere else in his life! He is a chilled, everything happens around him sort of boy.

When we arrived at school he was being walked into the ambulance and I went with him to casualty as my OH followed along in the car. He was still a bit dazed at that point although he was able to have a conversation. His face was swollen on one side and he complained of a headache and he was very pale and shaky. It was only a 10 minute journey to the hospital and the paramedic in the back with us was brilliant, keeping him chatting about his exams, what he planned to do after 6th form etc, yet all the time also reassuring me about what they were doing. It was a real shock when he booked my son in as ‘ a 16yr old assaulted on school premises’! Yet this is exactly what had happened.

Then we had a 5hr visit which included an xray to check if he had a fracture in his jaw. Thankfully all was ok, except for the inside of his mouth which was swollen and damaged as he wears braces, and the general concussion that comes with a bang on the head.

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1 family 2 funerals

1 family 2 funerals

This is the reason I have been so quiet lately. It also accounts for my Britmums Live post being so late!

For some reason everything seemed to happen all at once.

So either side of the week of Britmums Live was a bit mad. Mr B’s Nan had taken ill a week or so before so we had several trips up to the hospital to see her and helping out my MIL with dinners and washing etc as she had spent most of her time at the hospital. Then I get the news that my Nan had been taken to hospital!

But it wasn’t that simple just to pop to see her. She lives in Belfast and I’m in London so it’s not exactly round the corner. At that point they had only given her 24hrs to live. However, it was the same for Mr B’s Nan and she lasted a full 2 weeks.So with that in mind and knowing how quick the funerals take place over there I opted to wait and go to say my goodbyes at the funeral.

However, as it worked out Mr B’s Nan had already passed away and her funeral was arranged for the 25th of June. I spent the few days on the run up to and the time during Britmums Live waiting for the call to say my Nan had passed away. My week after the Britmums weekend consisted of:

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20 years and counting!

Those of you that saw my FB posts last week will know that it was my 20th wedding anniversary. Even now as I write it, it still sounds impossible! 20 years? Where have they gone? Bloody flew past that I can tell you and also made me feel more than a trifle old too.

So I looked out a few pictures of the days before wrinkles and tena ladies.

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This last picture is very special as my Dad has now passed away and we got married on his birthday, so I love this picture just before we went in the church together.

We have seen a few of our friends along the way marry before and after us who are no longer together but we have also a lot of friends who also have been married a long time ( let’s face it I would have got less time for murder!). So we were talking about it and we agree that a lot of people go into marriage loving the thrill of the day and think everything will be fabulous for the rest of their lives, and when they find out it isn’t they too easily cut and run.

Now us girlies all love a good romantic film but that’s exactly what it is. They don’t show both sides exhausted from working, not being able to get the same holidays booked off, sleepless nights when you have kids- surviving only on coffee and wine ( although that could have just been me). The arguments over money matters (especially when you have none), kids discipline, going out or not going out (which is more likely) amongst many others. So I think that some girls/ women have unrealistic ideas about what being married entails……….chef, shopper, cleaner, ironer, permanent child minder, kids taxi driver, money stretcher, nurse to man flu, cold beer provider, oh and not forgetting provider of conjugal rights at the most exhausting times!!

So it seems that when the going gets mudane people trade each other in for newer or more exciting models. But no one is perfect we all have our flaws ( except me of course!) so you are never going to be able to spend years and years together without getting a bit miffed, bored or downright pissed off at each other at times and believe me we have had a few of these, but do people  forget that they actually said ‘for better for worse’?

Anyway, my 20 years have contained a lot, major job changes, a few house moves, two children, unemployment and now long term illness, yet here we are still together- that must say something right? I’m not an easy person to live with, my OH is pretty mellow without being a push over, he’s not the most romantic person on the earth (in fact I’m not sure he knows the word), although I did get these on the day………….

I get one rose for each year - long may it continue!
I get one rose for each year – long may it continue!

Yet after all this time we can still have the best laugh, mostly at each other’s expense but we can still laugh- that alone should count for a lot, and our boys are now in their teens so they should provide us loads of opportunities to have a good old piss take!!! Cruel I know but we have had to put up with their tantrums all these years surely it’s payback time?

So do you agree that occasionally people cut and run too soon when it comes to the ‘going get’s tough’ part?

 

 

The trouble with………..

The trouble with………..

 

Long Term Illness

Is that from one day to the next you never know what it is going to throw at you! The last month has been unbelievably hard, my M.E symptoms have been flaring up.

The exhaustion I have had has left me in my pj’s most days until at least 3 or 4pm. The pain in my muscles has seen me put on new medication (that isn’t working) and generally feeling crap about everything including myself. I have found it difficult to be on here at all and have had no enthusiasm for it. But that is getting back to normal.

Mother’s Day with teens

Is that the presents change as I found out this year. I got my usual ‘little’ things that I love, mugs/ good coffee and other bits. But I also had a more unusual gift which looked initially like this

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Are you getting the theme here?

But tucked inside was this……….a random Mother’s day potato! I’ve never laughed so much that I have at the randomness of this.

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The school holidays with teens

Is that they actually want to spend most of it in bed or in their rooms.

Now the late mornings I am not complaining about but the wasting of days I am. Gone are the days where I would have everyday planned out with them, activities, visiting, meeting with friends at the park etc.

Now they are teens, especially my eldest, he had some of his own things going on. He went out with friends to the cinema and bowling etc so a lot of the days were already planned. I do miss the old days but actually found this school holiday far more relaxing than previous ones. We did have the odd day out, Whitstable and Herne Bay -that sort of thing.

 

Whitstable
Me and my lovely boys!

 

We also had some great card game nights after my MIL taught my youngest a few new games when he stayed over for the night at their caravan.

So, there has been lots going on but I haven’t been that bothered about sharing it all until now.

I will get back into the flow of things and have missed reading all my regular blogs and my conversations on Twitter. But I have to admit the break has done me some good.

So will be churning a few more posts in the next few days about what has been going on around here like my eldest turning 16!

Now that’s another post

 

 

The one hour Valentine

So I was on Twitter and Facebook for a while yesterday having a nosey at what everyone was getting up to on Valentines Day. We don’t really ‘do’ valentines after being married for almost 20 years! I prefer to have something planned on my anniversary instead.

Yesterday was no different and we just exchanged cards before OH went off to work. The kids were at school all day and OH wasn’t going to be in until almost 7pm. Instead of a relaxing Friday night my taxi duties started at around 5ish as I had to go and pick up my 13yr old from a friends house and drop him to his drama class. My eldest was cooked some food before he headed of to his club and was due to be picked up around 9.30pm.

As you all know the weather was horrendous so I spent much longer in the car on my journey’s than I had intended but I did manage to pop into a local Sainsbury’s and grab a £10 meal deal complete with wine!

So, after my youngest was home from drama and my OH had returned home I had the dinner ready as we had ONE WHOLE HOUR to eat and chill before the last club pick up. So not exactly a big extravaganza but at least I didn’t have to cook.

I did manage to clear half the table from the rubbish that gets piled on top of it and we did sit there for our food, and I even went to the trouble of lighting candles and everything LOL

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But we were not alone!!

Talk about being watched!
Talk about being watched!

Then our youngest decided he would have some too so he came and joined us as well. We had our yummy desert before my OH left on the last pick up but unfortunately I was so eager to tuck in I didn’t take a picture but I can assure you it was lush. My OH did partake in alcohol once he had finished driving and by then I was in bed …………… and not for the reason you would expect!!

So that was it, all thrown together in an hour but at least the sentiment was there.

How was your Valentines?

 

House Envy

So yesterday I was at a house in West London with my son who was filming there which gave me total ‘house envy’. It wasn’t particularly decorated to any high standard or anything but it had the most amazing rooms and layout. We didn’t get to go upstairs so this was solely based on the downstairs. But it had a ‘sunken’ kitchen, one that you went down a step or two into with a gorgeous range set back into the wall. The dining area was large but they had left it sparse. There were beautiful wall dressers in there that had absolutely NOTHING on them apart from a small tea light candle or two………I couldn’t believe it.

I would kill for a house with that amount of character, with nooks and crannies, beautiful spacious hallways with bookshelves all over!! This one had all the space, nooks and crannies you could shake a stick at- none of which had anything in them. Their hallway was fitted with a full wall length shelving unit perfect for books of all shapes and sizes, yet it had been left empty.

One thing I would adore is a place in the house just lined with books. Somewhere you could just go into a chill out, be cosy and read whatever took your fancy. I though, live in a 1930’s terraced gaff that has been extended and revamped to within an inch of it’s life. But the rooms are small, either just square or rectangle without any character as such. I have decorated as I liked when we did the work initially and now everything is a little tired and slowly but surely we are revamping again. However, as much as I would love it there is just no spare room for that elusive wall of books. I have started to add storage and furniture that incorporates shelving that I can now use for my books, even though my ‘library wall’ is still a dream.

Still when I win the Lottery my ‘new’ house will have all the character I can fit into it, in fact I may just offer those people from yesterday’s house a ‘not to be refused’ offer on their gaff!

 

DISCLAIMER: This is a Featured post

2014 goals!

I’m not going in for all the new Year resolution crap this year. Diet, exercise, less alcohol blah blah blah!! I’m not knocking those that are- more power to you but I NEVER keep my resolutions so I’m not going to even bother.

I can’t exercise due to the M.E and my diet will get back to normal after all the Christmas food and goodies are eaten. I no longer drink like a fish although I give it a good go on occasion I don’t feel I drink enough to say I need to cut down ( no I’m not an in denial alcoholic- honest).

So with this all in mind I put my own mind to things that I want to learn or achieve this year. I have also kept the list small and very simple so it’s more than possible to achieve and therefore maybe spur me on to do some more.

Since dealing with long term illness I have increasingly become better at appreciating the smaller things in life. Yeah don’t get me wrong I still want to win the Lottery and live the life but in the meantime it nice to find happiness in the LITTLE things.

**So first on the list is to learn to CROCHET!! I know ‘go me’ next I will be at the WI ( did contemplate it actually!). I’m an avid knitter but cannot for the life of me teach myself to crochet. So  I have today booked myself on a one day course at a local yarn shop in just over a weeks time- YAY. There is another follow on course in Feb so that will definitely be my next step if I get the hang of it.

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Financial Haemorrhaging!

That’s certainly what it feels like this month ( and last month). Now I know we are not the only one’s in this predicament and that there are lots of people a lot worse off than we are.

However, it is difficult to stay positive and not panic when you bank balance literally disappears before your eyes. This month alone has been my youngest’s birthday. Something I normally budget for and this year although I frugally sourced everything it still was difficult to cover. That was because we had so many things to pay for!! There is no other way to say it but we just had loads to pay for!!

So on top of the birthday we had……

*£90 for drama term for youngest.

*£40 for an Explorer weekend camp my eldest really wanted to go on.

*£90 to have my poor ‘Gorgeous George‘ cremated after a shock unplanned pet death.

*£15 for a 1/2 day Geography school trip.

*£20 towards expenses for my eldest’s PE trekking trip.

*£70 for a boiler service.

*£150 for my OH’s motorbike service and MOT.

Ok, so we have not yet overdrawn and I know a LOT of people live via their overdrafts. That is just something I couldn’t do. I wouldn’t sleep ( or get even less than I get now!).However, we have no savings to dip into either. At the end of the day we always pay what’s owed, then live on what’s left. I am extremely frugal with food and have recently made the leap to Aldi where I have found we have been saving at least £10 a week easy, if not much more, on our food bills.

But then there is NO extra!! I mean none!! I don’t go out except for the odd coffee and catch up with friends. My OH never goes out- ever!! He works hard, tries to get as much overtime as possible and then comes home. He never moans about it, that’s just what he does. The kids earn their pocket money by doing chores- it’s not just handed to them.

I’m left feeling worse about not working. Regulars will know I have M.E and this week alone I have been unable to do anything- I mean anything! I have been hit with exhaustion that has made it difficult to function, shower and make dinner- let alone anything else.

If I worked I could help financially, I could relieve the pressure and possibly make things easier. But I cant!!! It’s so frustrating. Frustrating beyond words.

And so I now look towards next month and the run up to Christmas. Thank goodness we pay into a ‘Christmas Club’ via family, it means we get get our money back in November in plenty of time to organise Christmas.

Then I hear people saying hey are going out, going for a weekend away, buying new clothes, going for meals etc and just wonder……….HOW DO THEY DO IT?

I REPEAT……………..HOW DO THEY DO IT??????

 

Age certificates for films

Now don’t get me wrong I am ALL in favour of this sort of stuff. I am that completely mean mum who doesn’t approve of underage playing of age 18 video games and inappropriate TV programmes……………even though my eldest is now 15 he still laughs at my ‘total shock’ face!

However, tonight it was a different story. I took my eldest to see The World’s End at Showcase in Bluewater. This was a treat just for him away from his pain in the arse younger brother, something for him and me to do together. He is a really good kid and looks after me well with my illness and I wanted to treat him.

When we got there though the ticket girl asked if he had any ID. At first I was shocked at this although part of me did understand, even though he stands at 5’10 and has the token facial hair and spots that go with his age. Now I know what your all thinking, some kids are older looking than others blah blah blah. But I am not that type of parent. I play by the rules. I realise why the rules are there after being married to a policeman for almost 20yrs!!

However, I REALLY do think my son looks his age now. He has shot up in size and demeanor and it really did not cross my mind to even think about ID. Yes the small print in the T’s and C’s say that people may be asked for ID however after he has had access before there I haven’t ever worried.

Tonight though something in me just clicked and I felt determined to push the point!!!

I asked to speak to the manager who just told me he would not go back on a decision the clerk had made!!! Surely as a manager he should have people skills, be able to listen and if necessary override a lower member of staff. I appreciated what he said about the cinema being fined if they were ‘spot checked’ by the council and so I offered to call home and get his passport number and Oyster card number that are traceable and legal documents that could be easily checked should the council ask. The manager even stated that he probably was 15 but now ID had been asked for he could not let him in without it!!!

SO NOT F**KING IMPRESSED!!

Really would a parent stand there and try and argue his case if he wasn’t the required age group? Would a parent offer to ring home for legal document reference numbers that are checkable? Would I offer my name and address and telephone number plus leave my driving licence to back up the surname and parent/child relationship???

In my mind- NO I WOULDN’T.

So why could a decent manager not see this- he did understand and agreed he looked 15 but because the ticket clerk had asked for ID he would not go back on that decision!! SPINELESS in my mind, a cop out from someone in a management position.

So I returned furious, after taking their names I have already sent an email to the General Manager and requested someone gets back to me.

OVER THE TOP? Yes probably, however, my teen is a good kid, we teach him right from wrong, he looks out for me and does lots for me due to my illness, so as a young carer he should be treated better I think- he does look his age so this did nothing for his self confidence!

Rant over- do you agree or not, don’t mind if you don’t but would love to know.