A letter of apology to my teens

This has been on my mind the last few years but hit hard this year especially.

I would like to apologise to my teens for NEVER being able to take them away on a nice summer holiday like most parents, somewhere in the sunshine abroad.

They are now 17 and almost 15 years old, and I found the holidays much easier in a way when they were younger. We had days in the park with friends, beach days, garden days with friends and we have done a few years camping in the UK which we have all enjoyed.

Our only ‘proper’ family holidays were courtesy of my Mum who for 2 years running in ’07 and ’08 took us all away to Florida to do all the Disney parks and attractions and we all loved those holidays and still talk about them now, as they are normally a ‘once in a lifetime’ holiday that a lot of people never get to do, so in that respect we were extremely fortunate that my Mum footed the bill both times.

Before I was diagnosed with long term illness 6 years ago , I was self employed as a Driving Instructor with a healthy part time business that I was hoping to expand when the boys went to secondary school. However, having to give up work obviously has taken it’s toll financially and so things like holidays etc are not even on our radar. For this I feel personally responsible, as my OH works hard and brings in a decent wage however, on top of a mortgage and normal bills teenagers can be expensive when they eat you out of house and home, outgrow clothes etc at an alarming rate and obviously keeping them entertained is a LOT more expensive than toddlers.

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Activities for Teenagers over the Half Term

 

Now when I say teens I don’t mean a 13 yr old with younger siblings, those teens are normally more than happy to engage in the family activities that their brothers or sisters like- a day at the park, walking in the woods, cooking/baking at home and Halloween crafts , bike rides and meeting up with friends while mums can grab a coffee and a natter and a bit of moral support!

But my eldest is 16 and has a younger 14yr old brother who is mature for his age and so thinks he is 16 himself. There are no younger siblings to occupy so we have moved on from planning every day to within an inch of it’s life and gone for a few planned things throughout the week with free time for the rest so they can either lounge in bed watching DVD’s or playing Xbox ( shoot me now for being a bad mother).

So as the net is saturated with activities for younger kids here is a few ideas that your older teens may enjoy (and you may earn some brownie points for).

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The day my eldest was assaulted at school

This happened to us last week. On Tuesday in fact, we had a call from the school around lunchtime to say he had been punched and knocked out and an ambulance was on the way. To say we were gobsmacked would be a huge understatement. we literally couldn’t believe it. My eldest, who is 16 yrs old, has never been in trouble at school or anywhere else in his life! He is a chilled, everything happens around him sort of boy.

When we arrived at school he was being walked into the ambulance and I went with him to casualty as my OH followed along in the car. He was still a bit dazed at that point although he was able to have a conversation. His face was swollen on one side and he complained of a headache and he was very pale and shaky. It was only a 10 minute journey to the hospital and the paramedic in the back with us was brilliant, keeping him chatting about his exams, what he planned to do after 6th form etc, yet all the time also reassuring me about what they were doing. It was a real shock when he booked my son in as ‘ a 16yr old assaulted on school premises’! Yet this is exactly what had happened.

Then we had a 5hr visit which included an xray to check if he had a fracture in his jaw. Thankfully all was ok, except for the inside of his mouth which was swollen and damaged as he wears braces, and the general concussion that comes with a bang on the head.

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Something strange is occurring …

I say occurring as it is still happening. The phenomenon started almost a month ago now ( not that I’m counting or anything) and seems to have become the norm in our house. The very strange thing is that this phenomenon has never occurred before in our house, and when I say never I mean NEVER.

Oh I have heard of it of course but never actually experienced it first hand and was almost jealous of those who had. In fact I had resigned myself to the fact it would never happen and was open an honest about it.

So what is this phenomenon I hear you ask?

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How you know your a mother of teenagers in the Half Term

I have been reading lots of posts this week about what you all have been up to keeping your young kids entertained over the half term. trips to the park, crafting, building dens, walking in the woods/ beach etc and I remember the days when each school holiday ‘day’ was planned to a tee!

We have never been flush with cash so it has always been keeping the kids entertained on a budget. We have done the beach days, picnics in or out depending on weather, friends for tea, meeting up at the park and so on.

But my boys are now teenagers! This brings a whole new way of looking at things. They are no longer ‘excited’ to go to a park or a walk in the woods or picnics or God forbid ‘crafting’! Those days are long gone and I can mourn for those all I want but it wont bring them back. I have to now embrace the teenage style holidays which in itself is another kind of torture.

So to prepare some of you for the years to come…..

Ways to know you are a mum to teenagers on holidays

* Your eldest is the one who makes your morning coffee

* Your teens of a certain age will stay up later than you can manage most evenings

* Your weekly food shop will  only last 3 days if your lucky

* The smell that hits you as you ‘take your life in your own hands’ to enter their rooms to check if they are still alive will knock you on your back and haunt your memory forever

* By the end of the day you have no idea how many extra bodies will be sleeping in your house

* Your life will totally depend on whether you let the bottles of Coke run dry!

* It doesn’t matter what you plan it will be met with a grunt- if your lucky

* Your expectation of any gratitude for feeding their friends, providing a free taxi service and having a ‘magic wallet’ full of money is no longer on your radar

* You become less of the organiser and more of the ‘payer’ when it comes to any arrangements

* You get immense joy from the fact you have secretly managed to get their bedding off, washed, dried and put back on while they were out and didn’t notice

There are many, many more but I will save those little gems for later. I used to let this worry me but not any longer. After talking to lots of mums I realise this is the world of the ‘teenager’ so it’s not something I have done wrong- it’s just LIFE!

 

 

Expecting twins?

I remember many years ago when my good friend told me she was pregnant, not just with one baby but two! I had already had my eldest and knew how much work one baby could create let alone having double that. I admire anyone who has twins, just the total lack of sleep, the constant changing of nappies and never ending feeding would be enough to grind even the best of us down.

I remember feeling like a whale when I was pregnant and then noticing just how much bigger my friend was when she was expecting her twins. This was her first experience of pregnancy and I could understand the worry, I could only relate to my singleton pregnancy so had very little idea how different it was for her.

It’s hard not to panic in any pregnancy about the birth itself or whether you are actually going to be any good at motherhood. But when expecting twins it must be difficult for anyone not to worry/panic about what is going to happen.

Why not take a look at the video below for some advice and support for your twin pregnancy…..

 

Expecting Twins?

Jane Denton from The Multiple Births Foundation shares her advice on how to prepare for having twins alleviating concerns with delivery and how the pregnancy is monitored

Twins are very special but on hearing the news that they are expecting two babies most parents will experience a range of very mixed emotions ranging from great excitement to apprehension and concerns about the pregnancy, delivery and the practical and emotional aspects of caring for two babies at the same time.

Jane Denton director of The Multiple Births Foundation, a national and international authority on multiple births knows all too well the issues surrounding multiple births. In this special preview to her book (co-authored with Professor Mark Kilby) Expecting Twins, in association with BAFTA award winning television programme One Born Every Minute, she is joined by Lisa Wildgoose, mother of 4 year old identical twins and blogger twinstiarasandtantrums.com They share their advice on how to alleviate concerns with delivery, discussing caesareans and what to expect from neonatal units as the different environment can be a shock to parents.

Lisa’s twins were placed in neonatal unit immediately after birth, so together with Jane she shares her personal experience on how to be prepared for unexpected. While Jane shares her advice on special antenatal classes for multiple births and practical advice for how to cope once home from hospital to make sure you don’t feel isolated.

Watch our video advice to make sure you have the emotional and practical guide to help you have the most enjoyable pregnancy possible

Expecting Twins

 

How to play Teenage ‘Life’ Poker

Maybe that isn’t the right thing thing to teach your teenagers to play poker ( but my 2 are both dab hands at Texas Hold ’em *coughs*)

But this is a different style of poker, more like poker stakes with a difference- no money changes hands!

I’m totally sick and tired of my two whinging, whining, woe is me teens. Honestly I don’t know how on earth I got to the ripe old age of………43 without them. It’s a total miracle that I have made it in one piece with their infinite wisdom. C’mon all you with teens will know- THEY KNOW EVERYTHING!!

Well here’s my Teenage Poker game :

* I ‘see’ your 700 channel, 24 hour on demand TV ( in your own room) remotely controlled so minimum of movement is required- and I ‘raise’ you a one telly per household, with an amazing 4 channels to choose from, with kids shows only available on certain times AND you had to get off your arse to change channel, adjust the volume and switch it on and off!!

* I ‘see’ your health and safety gone mad child safety toes including padding for everywhere for anything used on the move, trampolines with total surround safety nets and barriers to stop you getting even remotely close to anything that could possibly damage you precious little bodies- and I *raise* you the Pogo stick, metal adjustable skates that went on your shoes and homemade go carts with no brakes and a rope to steer! ENOUGH SAID

* I ‘see’ your named brand clothes that are a ‘must have’ where literally NOTHING costs less than £60 even though the ones you are wearing are absolutely fine and still fit- and I ‘raise’ you the 80’s fashions!!!! We have been scarred for life and we have the picture evidence to prove it.

* I ‘see’ your games consoles, laptops, Ipads, tablets and Iphones with everything at an instant touch of a button teaching you nothing but lack of patience- and I ‘raise’ you……….The Atari with the exciting Pong game!!! Graphics at it’s best LOL

* I ‘see’ your door to door on call chauffeur service to all your extra curricular clubs so your precious little legs didn’t get worn out and so are kept safe from all the horrible nastiness that is on our streets today – and I ‘raise’ you the if you cant walk there your not going and the the journey to school in an easily recognisable protestant uniform across town on the bus through a predominantly catholic area  starting when I was 11 years old going to secondary school. I looked danger in the eye on a daily basis and still made it to my ripe old age!

* I ‘see’ your on your person 24hrs a day phone in touch with your friends and family wherever you are at any given moment- and I ‘raise’ you the one telephone household. A phone normally situated in the hall that had an attached receiver that stretched all of a metre if you were lucky and no privacy to talk what so ever- with everyone listening in to your conversation!

Therefore, I win hands down and if anyone should have Childline on speed dial then it should be US- your old, know nothing, haven’t lived parents.

The Half Term Dilemma

As always in my house – nothing is ever done the easy way!

So half term was supposed to be a trip to my mum’s in Devon for me and the boys for most of the week as my OH was left at home working. By the end of the week just before half term the arrangements had altered to just me and my eldest visiting Devon.

My youngest did not have other arrangements, my OH had not taken the time off work………………so what changed?

Well, as always long story short, youngest was playing up all week and called me some totally unacceptable names, so I made the decision to leave him behind (not home alone obviously but at home with dad while he was there and then at his other nana’s when he was at work).

Not an easy decision though, but at the age of 13 I think I had to make the point that he cannot get away with the behaviour he had been sporting.

I have now been at my mums for two days so far and it has been a total chill out. No arguing, no complaining, no demanding and no ‘high maintenance’ attitude. It has been blissful. I have had no dinners to cook, no cleaning to do and generally no organising to consider. Like I said………..BLISS.

Me and my youngest son are VERY alike. We are headstrong, vocal and generally like to be in total control!! However, I think because we are so alike we had reached a stage where we both were in need of a break from each other.

In actual fact it has worked out great all round. He had a model to make for school which he spent 2 days with Dad working on it. He then gets to spend a day with his younger cousins at my MIL’s and then is going to help his Grandad sort his new IPod which he cannot use!! Therefore my son will get one to one time with him teaching him how to sort all his CD’s onto his IPod (that should make for interesting viewing). Then he will get another full day with Dad before we return.

In the meantime my eldest gets to chill out with my younger brother ( both get on like a house on fire) and I get to actually de stress from all the usual crap, drink copious amounts of tea, catch up with my mum and brother, and knit in peace until my heart is content.

Personally I think the break away from each other will do us both good, I have spoken to him and been in contact via text etc and already he seems in a better frame of mind. I think although it was hard to do I have done the right thing. I am hoping that he will think twice the next time he refers to my illness in such a derogatory manor!!

What would you have done? 

 

 

Walk to school

With all the talk on Twitter and Facebook about kids returning to school this week I’m asking the question:

Do You Walk To School?

My 2 boys are at secondary school now and at age 15 and 12 (almost 13) they STILL walk to school! (well one goes on a bike)

For the whole of their time at nursery and primary school we walked to school- always. It is about a 15 minute walk away from where we live. Their secondary school is about a further 5 minutes away from there.

When it was raining we still walked as the roads would be far more busy and we would have to park about 5 minute walk away so we would have got wet anyway. I found that by the time we had walked to school we had beaten all the traffic and could get undercover ( let’s face it that’s why we have UMBRELLAS!). Also It was a quiet time to chat without too much distraction from telly’s. We began to meet friends on the way, the kids would maybe take scooters etc and in the summer we would go straight to the park on the way home.

I do appreciate that not everyone is in this position, maybe the school is further away, or the parents both work and therefore haven’t the time to walk there and back before work. But you and I know there are loads of parents who live close enough to walk and yet chose to get in their cars to drop their kids outside the school gates!! The operative word being ‘CHOOSE’. So from there their kids then are trained to expect to be driven everywhere.

Check out this video below by StartRite taken from a child’s point of view about walking to school.

Great British Walk To School

So I will ask you again……..Do you walk to school?

Age certificates for films

Now don’t get me wrong I am ALL in favour of this sort of stuff. I am that completely mean mum who doesn’t approve of underage playing of age 18 video games and inappropriate TV programmes……………even though my eldest is now 15 he still laughs at my ‘total shock’ face!

However, tonight it was a different story. I took my eldest to see The World’s End at Showcase in Bluewater. This was a treat just for him away from his pain in the arse younger brother, something for him and me to do together. He is a really good kid and looks after me well with my illness and I wanted to treat him.

When we got there though the ticket girl asked if he had any ID. At first I was shocked at this although part of me did understand, even though he stands at 5’10 and has the token facial hair and spots that go with his age. Now I know what your all thinking, some kids are older looking than others blah blah blah. But I am not that type of parent. I play by the rules. I realise why the rules are there after being married to a policeman for almost 20yrs!!

However, I REALLY do think my son looks his age now. He has shot up in size and demeanor and it really did not cross my mind to even think about ID. Yes the small print in the T’s and C’s say that people may be asked for ID however after he has had access before there I haven’t ever worried.

Tonight though something in me just clicked and I felt determined to push the point!!!

I asked to speak to the manager who just told me he would not go back on a decision the clerk had made!!! Surely as a manager he should have people skills, be able to listen and if necessary override a lower member of staff. I appreciated what he said about the cinema being fined if they were ‘spot checked’ by the council and so I offered to call home and get his passport number and Oyster card number that are traceable and legal documents that could be easily checked should the council ask. The manager even stated that he probably was 15 but now ID had been asked for he could not let him in without it!!!

SO NOT F**KING IMPRESSED!!

Really would a parent stand there and try and argue his case if he wasn’t the required age group? Would a parent offer to ring home for legal document reference numbers that are checkable? Would I offer my name and address and telephone number plus leave my driving licence to back up the surname and parent/child relationship???

In my mind- NO I WOULDN’T.

So why could a decent manager not see this- he did understand and agreed he looked 15 but because the ticket clerk had asked for ID he would not go back on that decision!! SPINELESS in my mind, a cop out from someone in a management position.

So I returned furious, after taking their names I have already sent an email to the General Manager and requested someone gets back to me.

OVER THE TOP? Yes probably, however, my teen is a good kid, we teach him right from wrong, he looks out for me and does lots for me due to my illness, so as a young carer he should be treated better I think- he does look his age so this did nothing for his self confidence!

Rant over- do you agree or not, don’t mind if you don’t but would love to know.