Yes, Yes I know I’m sooooooooo behind everyone on this but just got the last book as one of my Christmas pressies.
To be honest I jumped on the bandwagon initially to see what all the fuss was about. Now I couldn’t say that these were the best books I have ever read, but I will admit I did enjoy them as a trashy, no brainer, quick read!
However, by the time I got to the 3rd book I had to constantly remind myself that they still had only been together a few months and therefore they would have been ‘at it’ like rabbits.
But it did start to get on my nerves (jealous, me?…….NAH!) I found it was wasting my time a little to get to Mr Grey’s back story of his mother and adoption etc.
I did actually enjoy the last bit telling the story from his point of view and would have liked a little more of that as you would have been able to understand him a bit better.
Anyway, my point is, in the 3rd book I was really asking myself………….AGAIN……..REALLY?? 2nd or 3rd time now in one day……………I THINK I WOULD BE SAYING ‘LOVELY AS THE OFFER IS ANY CHANCE OF A CUPPA AND A CHUNKY KITKAT INSTEAD!!!
So what I want to know is am I on my own with this and therefore my long suffering OH is just deprived……….or would you be in the cuppa and Kit Kat club?
I very luckily wasn’t, however, a very close friend of mine was after the birth of her twins over 12 years ago. It was difficult to see this bubbly, happy-go-lucky person fall into the depths of depression where she doubted herself all the time and totally lost all her self confidence and yet still try and continue looking after her babies.
She had suffered with depression before and was able to see the signs and get help early. However, it was only me who knew and to everyone else she looked and seemed fine. But it was a long journey and her children are now 12 years old.
Do you or someone you know suffer or have suffered with Postnatal Depression?
Learn to recognise the warning signs and help yourself or others.
Postnatal Depression
Join our live WebTV show to learn how to spot the warning signs in yourself and others
Show date: 20th December
Show time: 1pm
Postnatal depression is a spectrum which can be as mild as “baby blues”- weeping for several days after childbirth, to at the other end – puerperal psychosis, which can manifest in delusions, hallucinations and impulses to hurt the baby or the belief that there is something wrong with it. In the middle of these two extremes is what the majority of new mothers experience at some point; profound lows, as they struggle to deal with the new challenges that life as a mother presents.
Earlier this year, the Government announced more NHS help for women with postnatal depression to the tune of £400m, recruiting more health visitors across the country who will be trained to spot the early signs of postnatal depression. This means that for the first time, there will be more focus on the emotional wellbeing of the entire family, not just concentrating on the practical ins and outs of looking after the baby. But is this enough?
With statistics suggesting that roughly a quarter of women experience depression in the first year after childbirth, experts believe that the true figures are probably far greater, as postnatal depression is often misdiagnosed or missed. The most important thing is to be to able to recognise the symptoms in yourself, spot the warning signs in others and not to feel alone or that you are failing as a parent.
Health & Wellbeing mutual, Benenden Healthcare Society has acknowledged this issue and are inviting you to take part in a discussion on the issues surrounding PND. Joining us in a live and interactive WebTV on 20th December at 1pm are Liz Wise from The Ceder House support group and The Association of Postnatal Depression Committee and Natalie Ellis from PNI.org.uk W
Liz Wise from The Ceder House support group and The Association of Postnatal Depression Committee and Natalie Ellis from PNI.org.uk joins us live online at www.studiotalk.tvwwwww on 20th December at 1pm
No not a story about me as the 11 yr old but my own son.
Monday saw us heading back up town for another audition (remember my youngest is a ‘luvvy’ at heart and wants to be an actor). Anyway this really is nothing out of the ordinary for us. A short notice call a few days before with address details (normally quite obscure tiny offices in London’s backstreets) so we headed off as normal.
Audition done and return journey in process until…………….
Yes we went to get on a tube when my son walked on and the doors closed!!!! Leaving me on the platform…………OK PANIC NOW.
So told screamed at the guard that my son was on his own only to realise the tube he got on was going in the wrong direction that we were going! CAN THIS GET ANY WORSE??
Again the guard seemed a bit too chilled for my liking when he said I should go to the operations room WTF????? No you take me there and bloody tell someone my 11yr old son is on the tube going in the wrong direction…….EXCUSE ME IS ANYONE LISTENING TO ME ( i’m the mad shouting, hysterical lady crying down the phone to her husband telling him she has lost her son!!!- I know not a pretty sight)
However, by the time we got to the operations room they then had to calm me down to tell me they had my son at the next station with the guard!!!! OMG OMG OMG
So went back down to platform and got on next tube, still bawling my eyes out ( what a bloody picture) with people looking at me as though I was a complete loon (understandable I think).
Turned up at the next station and burst into tears again as my son came up and gave me a huge hug!!!
He was calm, and I asked him what he did.
‘Well I thought I would get off at the next station and wait for you to come along. But a nice young man offered to get off at the station with me and tell the guard what had happened’ ( there are some nice people out there! but we still warned him afterwards of the dangers).
So 11 yr old is calm, and 41 yr old mum is a complete wreck?????
He told me that he wasn’t panicked but he was worried about me because he knew I would be having a meltdown- talk about role reversal!
Anyway, all’s well that ends well and all that. For me I don’t think I have ever been so stressed in all my life. My M.E is affected considerably with stress and for the last few days I have been unable to do anything or eat properly so I know that is definitely the fallout from Monday!
However, everything happens for a reason and now we have at least got a contingency plan- if separated go to the next station and the other will follow!!
Ok this might sound a little weird, but if you where asked a question to prioritise whats important to you on a daily basis what sort of things would be at the top of the list for you? Would they be necessities or luxuries?
I don’t mean family or good health etc which is important to all of us. I mean the selfish stuff, you know, more money, a size 8 model figure, ‘good hair’ days everyday and the like.
For me, it would be a range of things.
As you know I have had M.E for the past 3 years and it has significantly changed my life. I have gone from being a Qualified Driving Instructor with my own business and jogging 2-3 times a week. Having some spare money to spend for the family and being active with the kids. To being unable to work and have loss of earnings. being unable to do activities with my boys and spending several hours a day in bed in order to get through the rest of the day.
I struggle with anything physical. So cleaning, ironing, walking (any distance on some days) are pretty impossible without being laid up in bed the next day in pain and exhausted.
Therefore, the things that would make a huge difference to me would be things that I would class as luxuries. Yet I feel they are like necessities to help our situation. Therefore, as a priority are they necessities or luxuries?
A Cleaner
This would be a godsend and I’m sure you will all agree that it is impossible to keep on top of. But add on to that the physicality of hoovering etc for me is just horrendous. So Mr B (who is an absolute star) does a lot of this for me- yes I know how lucky I am.
However he is a VERY hardworking man, working full time shift work with extra duties and cancelled days. Yet thinks nothing of coming in and ironing at 10pm at night! BUT THAT SHOULDN’T BE LIKE THAT FOR HIM. So for me someone coming in twice a week would improve our lives unbelievably.
Massage
Yes we all love to go for a girly spa day etc, but this is seen as a treat, RIGHT?
Well for me alternative therapies can ease the amount of muscular pain I can be in. A massage once a week would be great to ease my neck and lower leg pain. To go on a regular basis could help me be a little more physical myself without so much muscle pain.
I could think of a few more but you would really think I was a selfish cow.
What stops me then?
Well I totally consider these to be luxuries. So with things as tight as they are financially, due to not being able to work, I just cannot justify these in any shape or form.
Recently I have been asking myself this question virtually everyday.
I have two boys, one aged 13 and the other is 11.
THEY DO NOT GET ON.
In essence they are very, very different personalities, which I think is great. They like different things but also like some similar things too. So why can’t they get along together?
I truly do not know.
Now, I don’t just mean a bit of sibling rivalry, or fighting one minute and then friends the next. NO they are never friends. EVER.
My youngest is a very loud and outgoing character. He has a lot of personality and loves to be centre of attention. My eldest is quieter, more mellow generally and tends to go with the flow, until it involves his brother.
But it is starting to affect the family dynamics.
A family day at home or out is just horrendous. We know it will end in tears, namely ours. It seems as a family we cannot simply enjoy time together, just chatting, laughing and having a joke. My eldest can get very stressed by the whole thing.
At the moment our family life is generally our boys taking themselves off to their separate rooms and shutting their doors to be away from each other.
As parents we try to be fair with their disputes. However, we have noticed more and more that it generally stems from our youngest. He makes fun of his older brother and although we all have jokes at each others expense, his delve into what we believe to be bullying.
Whenever my eldest says anything, and I mean anything, he will be sneered at, or laughed at or belittled as though what he says has no relevance.
We have approached our youngest and explained how he is behaving.
What makes it worse is that our oldest has very mild Asperger traits ( not fully diagnosed, but noticeable). Again we have tried explaining this to our youngest and have used some books to show him how his brother thinks.
IT DIDN’T WORK. IN FACT IT MADE IT WORSE.
Now, I know you will all be thinking he must be attention seeking. However, he gets a lot more time devoted to him on a 1 to 1 basis because of his acting. I am always with him for auditions and shows. Everything tends to revolve around what he is doing, our Christmas this year was dominated by the fact he was acting in Panto everyday of the holidays.
So I need help. Where are we as parents going wrong?
I cannot see any other reason for it other than our total parent fail!
We try everything, we take things, such as, Ipods and TV away. There have been times were we have stopped him going to a party or to friends if he has been particularly bad. We also stand by our word and if we threaten something, and we ALWAYS carry it through. So you would think he would get the message.
Our main concern is how he treats his brother.
SO I will ask again. Is it A PARENTING FAIL, or just life as we know it?
Where do we go from here?
It’s quite depressing, for everyone apart from my youngest son.
I must admit I’ve been lucky enough to have escaped my own Christmas dinner disasters as I have only been doing the dinner myself for the past few years. Fortunately while my boys were very young we always went to the in laws (no cooking required on my part……..result!).
However, there comes a time when the kids want to stay with their toys for the day and enjoy Christmas at home. This means all cooking required by me!!
Luckily for me my mum stays at Christmas so she cooks the turkey for me with years of experience under her belt……again a result!
However, after talking to a few people the stories started to come out. Things you can imagine and things you can’t.
*turkey doesn’t fit in the oven
*turkey not cooked properly
*cases of food poisoning
*oven breaks down while cooking the dinner
Or even in the style of Only Fools and Horses where the coffee gets mixed up with the gravy and they pour coffee all over their dinner, or the time Grandad left the giblets in the turkey!!
Top tips on how to avoid a Christmas dinner disaster
Let’s face it, Christmas dinner disasters are far from rare in most households. A poll just released shows a quarter of us have first-hand experience of something going badly wrong on the 25th December.
The most common mishaps are dry meat, turkey that is uncooked or hasn’t defrosted properly, people buying the wrong size bird and those that have simply left it so late that the shops have actually run out.
Cooking a feast of massive proportions for extended families of aunties, uncles, grandparents, and children is a task daunting enough to even make a top chef break into a cold sweat, so it’s no surprise three quarters of the great British public suffer stress as a result of buying and preparing Christmas meat.
But the survey commissioned by The Q Guild of Butchers to launch their ‘Meat Your Butcher Sessions’ found an overwhelming 95% of the nation has never asked for expert advice about cooking Christmas dinner whilst more than half of us just head blindly go to the supermarket, and pick meat off the shelf hoping for the best. That’s despite the fact that there is usually a butcher’s shop right round the corner, who can offer quality advice on choosing, preparing and cooking meat.
So how can a local butcher help to reduce stress, focus on value and give fresh advice for your festive feast? When should you have ordered your meat by? What’s the difference between a corn-fed turkey and a gold turkey? How much do you actually need to buy so that you don’t get stuck with masses of meat, or even worse don’t have enough to feed the family? And if you don’t even like turkey, what are the great Christmas meat alternatives?
Yes, it’s a very nervous day in my household today. It’s the day my youngest son’s 11+ results arrive on our doorstep.
As the day has drawn closer I have noticed him getting more and more concerned about it. He is hoping to pass but we have tried to warn him that it doesn’t always go to plan and not to be too disappointed if he doesn’t get through.
However, what makes it worse is that he is a bright boy. He absolutely has the potential to pass. He has done some work towards it but we tried not to put extra pressure on him as there is never any guarantee.
Going on his work at home, if he finished the practise papers on time he then didn’t do very well. But if he concentrated and didn’t finish the paper on time, quality rather than quantity, then he tended to get a good score.
On both of the test days he came out saying that he had finished the papers. So not a great sign at the time.
But you just never know. We are not holding our breath as parents however, we are trying to prepare for the meltdown that will be if he doesn’t ‘pass’ the test. I know he will feel a failure, and may feel a little resentment against his brother, who did pass a few years ago and attends the school my youngest really wants to go to. So, tomorrow going into school will be hellish for him.
You see most people have the opinion that he will pass. I’m afraid that they mistake his confidence, which he has in abundance, for ability. I think he feels under pressure because of this.
These are children who are only 10 or 11 years old. They are too young to have this much pressure. I know of many parents who openly talk about it all in front of them and therefore, the pressure of not being a ‘failure’ is all too apparent.
My post does not arrive until lunchtime. Blimey I don’t think my nerves will stand it.
Little does he know that I will be steaming that letter open to find out the result before he opens it on his return from school. I need to be prepared in order to deal with any of his disappointment straight away.
On the other hand he may pass and be overjoyed. Who knows what the day holds.
Either way we will be treating him to dinner out to at least celebrate the fact it will all be over!
It’s 11+ tests tomorrow and I don’t know who’s more nervous…….mum and dad or the son who’s taking it!!!
We have a 13 yr old who has already gone through this who comfortably passed his and attends a really nice grammar school close by. This school is perfect for him as it is mixed and because he is a sensitive soul we thought it would be better for him. He loves it there ( as much as any boy ‘loves’ school!) and has made a great set of friends that from the beginning of year 7 to today in year 9 have all stuck by each other.
However, I think this makes it more difficult for the second child. He also wants to go to the same school as his brother, he has already had a look around and loves the drama department there ( as some of you may remember he is a budding ‘actor’!!). He is also a very capable child and has been in top sets for maths and literacy in junior school. But there is no guarantee that he will get through on the test!
He has worked hard towards it with his dad ( which we did with our older son) however, we have tried not to put too much pressure on him about it. Rightly or wrongly we never sent either of our boys to a tutor in order for them to pass. Any work they have undertaken over the summer has been worked through by my OH who seems to have the patience of a saint when it comes to school work!! We live on the border of Kent so the children can also apply to do the Kent 11+ too and I know some of the kids from his year have taken that on Saturday. He decided (just like my eldest) that he didn’t want to take this test as it would possibly mean that he would end up in a school out of our borough that he would have to travel to, and therefore lots of his friends would not be living close to him. So in the end we didn’t register him for that test as there would be no point sending him to a school he didn’t want to go to.
So now all his hopes are on the test tomorrow and Wednesday. He seems confident and we have confidence in him. But is it wrong to try and prepare him in case he doesn’t get through? That is what we have been doing. Trying to tell him it isn’t the end of the world if he doesn’t pass. It doesn’t make him any less capable than his brother. There is a lot of competition between them over the silliest of things so this really would cause a major upset!!
We certainly don’t want him to feel any sort of failure. We don’t want to be seen as treating him any different from his brother if he doesn’t get through.
So the next 3 weeks waiting for the results just won’t go quick enough!!! Talk about wishing your life away. As with his older brother we have told him that the letter will arrive and we will not open it as this will be his job when he gets home from school. ( What we won’t tell him is that we will have steamed the letter open at lunchtime when it arrives so we know the outcome before he gets his grubby mits on the thing!!)
And then the drama will start!! The next day at the school playground………….kids and adults alike all eager to hear if your child has passed or not!! Whispers behind peoples backs about the shock passes and ‘fails’ ( although no child at the age of 10 and 11 should be seen as a failure!!!) But that’s what it all comes down to with a lot of parents these days.
So on that note……
A HUGE GOOD LUCK TO MY SON AND ALL THE CHILDREN TAKING THE 11+ IN THE NEXT 2 DAYS
