Advice needed.

- TracyB 5 Comments

I started blogging way back in March for something to occupy my mind and hopefully keep it active. I have been off work now for 2 years having gone through a series of consultations and eventually being diagnosed with M.E.

I miss my job though. I worked hard to become qualified as a Driving Instructor and built up my own business that fitted perfectly into the school times as a second income. I had a great pass rate with my students and I felt as though I really had found a job, not only that I enjoyed but something I was good at.

I fully expected to get back to work after treatment and really thought that this illness would not last this long. However there were many delays along the course of my diagnosis ending up with my NHS Borough refusing to pay for the treatment that is available at Kings College Hospital in London. Don’t get me wrong I know there is no miracle cure but the 12 week programme at the research centre helps to keep it under control and enables you to get back on your feet quicker after any relapses.

So after being told that the treatment was not going to be paid for my GP ( who has been excellent along the way) advised me there wasn’t much she could do about the decision and that I had to do the best I can to manage the M.E myself. So apart from the painkillers I get on prescription for the muscular pain I am pretty much left to get on with it.

Don’t get me wrong it has been difficult to get my head around it. In fact you almost have to grieve for your old life in order to accept and get on with your new life. This for me is easier said than done!!!! Some days ( like today) it just gets right on my nerves and I feel like punching someones lights out!!! I hate the fact my body hurts all the time…….and I mean ALL THE TIME!!!!! I hate the fact that I am exhausted all the time……..and I mean TOTALLY EXHAUSTED ALL THE TIME!!!

You get where I’m coming from. Think of a time you have been knocked off your feet by the Flu. That literally is how I feel ( without the head cold) all the time. It gets right on my bloody nerves!!

Anyway, I started my blog back in March and it really has given me something to concentrate on. Something that’s mine and somewhere to go to be someone other than mum and wife!!! That independence I lost when I had to give up work.

But I was thinking the other day about blogging about my M.E experiences. Not necessarily on this blog but maybe if I was to start another blog just for the M.E related stuff. A diary of my experiences up to now. Articles that relate to the condition. Maybe tips or lists of things that could help other sufferers on a daily basis or to get through busy times.

The main problem with M.E is that it is invisible. People look at you and because you look fine they think there is nothing wrong with you, or take the approach ( whether they mean it or not) that you are a malingerer!!!!! There is no tell tale visible signs, for example. no plaster casts, no scars, no wheelchair etc.

So advice is needed. I would love to raise more awareness for this condition, I personally have no support group as my nearest one is in  Maidstone and I live on the London/Greenwich border!!! So I have no one that I can talk to about my condition. Family try to understand but I never really let them know how bad it can get. I always just go ‘I’m fine’ as otherwise it would feel that I am moaning all the time.

So I wondered would it be a good idea for me to start a new blog not only to help myself but hopefully help others too in  the process. It not only affects the person with the condition but also the families too. My OH is fantastic. He works shift work and thinks nothing of coming in and taking over at home ( with the exception of cooking!!) however tired he is. My 2 boys also cope well and are very helpful too. They will come shopping with me to steer the trolley and lift the shopping into the car. They are also helpful in the house. My bedroom is 2 storeys up so they are my fetchers and carriers!!! They also take on responsibility when my OH isn’t there at the weekends and get me up with a coffee in the morning or in the afternoon if I have had to go for a lay down again.These are the the things I am not proud of but have become the norm in my house.

So I would like to keep the M.E stuff separate from this blog so that people don’t start seeing me in a different light or feeling sorry for me. That way I can continue this blog as normal but hopefully raise awareness of the condition and help others on the new blog.

So what do you think? Is it a good idea or would I be biting off  more than I can chew (so to speak).

All advice welcome  and would definitely be appreciated.

Can you ‘Think’ yourself thin?……..tough question!

- TracyB 6 Comments

As mentioned in a previous post here the mere mention of the word ‘diet’ throws me into a state of panic which makes me end up eating more than I had previously! Thus leaving me with muffin tops, or should I say ‘family sized cakes’ that even Mary Berry herself would be proud of.

So a decision was made to try ‘portion control’ as opposed to cutting out certain foods to see if that helped instead. That alongside the fact that I had been offered the chance to try the new Thinking Slimmer Slimpods that I had heard so much about via Twittershere!

So I opted for the ‘Drop a dress Size’ although it had been initially intended for me to try the ‘Drop a Jean Size’ however this wasn’t available online at the time, but it is now. I also took the opportunity to try the Chillpod they do, as lets face it unless you really are Mother Teresa in disguise who doesn’t need to chill out a little when they have kids!!

Excitedly I downloaded my new Slimpods onto my Ipod and chose to start listening to them everyday in the evening before I go to bed.

The premise is that you listen to the slimpod for 21days consecutively and then start listening to the booster pod after that for another 21 consecutive days, and then as and when you need it afterwards.

Now I’m a firm believer in mind over matter anyway ( although harder to put into practice) and love all forms of alternative healing and medicines. So this really is right up my street.

I started on Tuesday 6th September, as I felt it was a great new start as kids were starting back to school and our whole routine was about to change anyway.

I am very proud to say that since that date I have not a biscuit, crisp or a smidge of chocolate has passed my lips!! I am truly amazed, not because I have unbelievable willpower ( otherwise I would have a figure like Cheryl Cole!) but it’s been more of a feeling of not really wanting them…………….I know I’m still shocked! I have found myself saying ‘No’ to stuff before I have really thought about whether I want it or not. Now don’t get me wrong if I really had a craving for something I would have it, but then be safe in the knowledge that I would simply go back to not craving them and saying ‘No’ again.

Today I put on a pair of size 10 linen trousers that had over the summer become extremely snug to say the least, pretty much making me resemble the Michelin man with his several spare tyres……..I kid you not! But today, they were still a bit tight but I could feel the difference with them. They were comfortable for a start and I didn’t get the feeling that my knickers were going to disappear up my arse never to return again! Surely that’s a step in the right direction.

A VPL I don’t want to replicate!!

Don’t get me wrong I haven’t got shed loads to lose. I have generally been a size 8-10 for a long time but now my size 10’s are cutting off my circulation and leaving unsightly bulges in all the inappropriate places. Totally not a good look!

So there you have it, Day 10 of my Thinking Slimmer challenge and at the moment I am totally convinced this is the way to go for me. I am not able to exercise due to my M.E so I have to make do with a little ironing or an odd bit of hoovering to push my activity levels up more than normal.

I shall continue and update you all again after my initial 21 days. keep you fingers crossed the weight will come off.

In the meantime check it out for yourself at www.thinkingslimmer.com or find them on Twitter and Facebook too.

I have not received payment for this post however I was sent the Slimpods free of charge to trial. All opinions in this post are my own.

Love a book online reading group

- TracyB 2 Comments

I have been meaning to link up to this for a very long time. From  June in fact when I was lucky enough to receive a copy of Water for Elephants from the lovely Cara over at frecklesfamily.com to kick start her online reading group.

So first of all sorry Cara that it has taken me so long ( not to read the book) but to write about it for the group.

Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen would not initially be the type of book I would generally pick to read myself, and with all the hype about the impending film at the time I would have taken the easy way out and watched the film instead.

However, I’m so glad I did choose to read the book rather than just go see the film. This story had me hooked from the first few pages. I love the story being told from Jacobs point of view and the comparison between the young, vibrant Jacob and the old, forgetful Jacob. Initially looking at the modern film book cover you are swayed to believe that the love story would be obvious and predictable. What you don’t get until you actually start reading is that there is an underlying but more important bond between himself and the elephant Rosie.Jacobs character is warm and inviting and your empathy with him is strong from the start.

I loved reading about the hardship, hard work, difficult life that these people had during this time. How harsh real life could be for some of these characters both in the book but ultimately a lot of this had been commonplace in those times.

I enjoyed the twists of fate that occurred throughout, just as you thought you knew how the story was going, it would make you stop and take a breath!

I have since thoroughly recommended this read to many of my friends and since have been more inclined to read recommendations given to me. I felt great to get out of the rut of only reading similar books/ authors and this one has taught me to branch out at least.

Dolly Parton at the O2

- TracyB 4 Comments

Alright, I lack in that department, with the closest I’ve been to a big chest being 3 days after my 1st son was born. I pulled back the shower curtain and didn’t recognise the huge knockers that were staring back at me……..so much so that I had to call my OH in just to prove it!!!!

Anyway I digress, last night I went off to the O2 with a few girlie friends, donned our pink cowboy hats and our best ‘yeehaw’ voices and took our seats with the rest of the crowd.

Thats half of us with me tucked in the middle!

We weren’t that lucky with the seats and found ourselves in the upper tier with the ‘Gods’ so to speak, but it wasn’t going to dampen our spirits.  Although at one point I had to promise my friend that if the height was too much I was wearing a belt and that I could, if required in an emergency, take off and secure her to her seat!!! I kid you not LOL

I tried desperately to get a picture on my phone and my camera however Dolly herself is soooo small and dainty and very sparkly so it was hard to pick her up in the big shroud of light that the camera seemed to focus on………….damn the technology and the fact I can’t bloody work it properly!!

Evidence that we were up with the ‘Gods’ and that she is sooo tiny too

An early rendition of Jolene started the crowd going mad. However, the first half of her show apart from the ‘Blue grass’ stuff ,which was fab, seemed to be mostly new songs. Which to be fair to her were pretty ‘toe tappy’ in amongst all the chat that she does. Actually she really is a funny woman too. What amazed me the most is the amount of instruments that she can play!!! I really am not kidding, last night included………………….
Violin (fiddle in her speak)
Banjo ( including a great intro of ‘Duelling banjos’)
Guitar ( or Geetaar as she would say!!)
Piano
Penny whistle
Harmonica
Oh and 2 strange looking, sit on your knee plucky types of things!!

So not only can she sing ‘ country’ and other styles with ease she really is talented musically too!!!

After a quick break ( thank god as I had been bursting for a pee at that point) and a quick change for her, Dolly came back on with a vengeance! With covers of Dusty Springfield and Tina Turner the crowd got going and then right at the last knockings came all the old fav’s……
*Here we go again
*Islands in the Stream
*9 to 5
*And an encore of I will Always Love You!!!  Fantastic

At that point I think we ( and I’m sure I can speak for the whole audience) could have listened to her sing all the oldies all night!!

So, that’s something I can now strike off my ‘Things to do before I croak it’ list if I had one!!!

I can now say I have seen a true Legend perform in the flesh ( even though she really is tiny….apart from that fab chest!)

As for the car park and getting home? Don’t even ask……………and I was designated driver!!! How do these things happen LOL

Mums Half Hour Friday 9th Sept.

- TracyB Leave a comment

Mums Half Hour Episode Four!

 I don’t know about you but I’m well past the stage of looking for maternity clothes ( unless something unexpected happens!!) however I totally remember how hard it was to find anything decent to wear, especially to work!! At that point I remember lots of baggy t-shirts and men’s shirts!!! Not attractive in the least and probably would have been better sticking to a black bin liner!!!
Anyway even though I am not at that stage I have noticed more and more high street shops stocking maternity clothes that are actually made for work and casual situations.Anyway this weeks mums half hour is about that so join in and have your say on Friday 9th September 2011 @ 1.30pm!!
Mums Half Hour Episode Four: Join Us LiveThe panel discuss maternity fashion pre and post baby, and the joy and challenges of multiple births
Pregnancy and motherhood present plenty of challenges and all mums know just how different life becomes for the nine months before baby arrives and when he or she arrives and is part of the family.
But it’s not just sleepless nights, teething and potty training that can prove a headache for mothers – there’s also the challenge of finding clothes that fit (and we’re not talking old baggy t-shirts), the pressure to look as good as celeb mums and even our friends, and the motivation to even bother with fashion and getting back into shape.
No one understands these issues more than our panel of mums for the next episode of Mums Half Hour. Joining us live and answering your questions, are Jane Goldsmith, Nifa McLaughlin and Emily Carlisle.  With London Fashion Week just around the corner, the panel will be discussing Autumn/Winter fashion for mums, from where to shop, what styles to look for and which celeb looks to copy and which to avoid. 
Emily also has the added challenge of two little treasures as the mother of twins and she’ll be discussing the challenges for those expecting or now enjoying having more than one little baby to take care of. 
This webTV show will be live and interactive, with the panel taking your questions and thoughts so if you have something to say, they want to hear it!

Our panel join us live online at www.youtube.com/startriteshoes on Friday 9th September at 13.30 to discuss maternity fashion and multiple births.
 

For another chance to win a year’s supply of Start-rite shoes, log onto www.youtube.com/startriteshoes and submit a question along with your contact details

Typical male attidute………..at 13!

- TracyB 3 Comments

I think it must just be in a male set of genes ( and I don’t mean the denim type). I’m no worried that I have inadvertently reared ‘another typical bloke’ and he’s only 13!!

Or it may just be the fact he has just soooo much still to learn ( like most blokes!).

Conversation went as follows:

Teen ……’ hey mum they have one of those *nudge nudge* machines in the mens toilets’.

Me……….’ oh yeah, which ones?’ *cough* OMG what is he going to come out with now!

Teen……..’ You know those random ones : Condoms
                                                                    Condoms
                                                                    Condoms
                                                                    Condoms
                                                                    Tic Tacs
                                                                    Condoms

                  ‘I mean (he says laughing) how random is that!! Whats the point?’

Ahh bless ……………………………………………..as a bloke he has a lot to learn!!!!!

                                                       

Muffin tops must go!

- TracyB 5 Comments

After the kids have been off soooo long now and there has been many a day out, nights away, festivals etc etc and that can mean only one thing………………lots of food, unhealthy food, yummy picnics with cakes and biscuits, lots of over sized ice creams (it is supposed to be summer you know!).

                                   
However, that’s so not good for my already established muffin tops that seemed to have expanded into fully grown over sized family sponges!!!! No longer can they be squeezed into already snug fitting jeans and the tops have begun to get longer and more spacious.

                                        
So after our great overnight stay in Dover at the weekend to go to the castle for a birthday trip for the OH, which came with a very yummy dinner and pudding and an all you can eat continental and cooked breakfast!!! That just about pushed me over the edge. The dreaded ‘D’ word was mentioned which pretty much throws me into a panic as the mere mention of the word tends to make me think of food……………………………………..all the time, more than I normally would and leaves me literally wanting to eat everything in sight!!

So it has been collectively decided ( that means generally I have decided and my OH has no choice but to join in as I am the main cook!) that we should be on a ‘healthy eating’ regime. Not a restrictive diet but more of  portion control with a few healthy choices thrown in and an odd treat here and there (instead of everyday).

                                             
That started yesterday and for me it has gone OK so far as my OH have been at work over the bank Holiday working very extended days. However tomorrow is his birthday, and a chocolate cake has already been acquired so this could go rapidly downhill from here!

I have also been approached by Think Slimmer to try their ‘Drop a jean size’ Slimpod that should be coming soon. So with that and the fact I have started to use my Slendertone again I’m hopeful that I should shift a few pounds. However, I’m restricted with exercise due to having M.E so trying to be active around the house is exercise enough for me so hoping that will help a little.

So my motto is going to be ‘Everything in moderation’!!!!

That way I wont get over obsessed by the food I’m trying not to eat so much of. I have been good for 2 days and tomorrow will go downhill but hopefully I will be back on track Wednesday.

Reliving my youth……..via REWIND!

- TracyB 8 Comments

I have just had one of the best weekends of my life! What’s more I was able to enjoy it with my OH and 2 boys who seemed to enjoy it at much as me.

We spent the weekend in Henley on Thames camping at the Rewind festival 2011. Having never been to a festival of any kind before it really was a new experience all round. I have never seen so many campers and tents in one place in all my life!!

And this was the ‘quieter’ field!!

We decided to go Friday and try to include some of the extras that were on offer before the music filled days………..that way we wouldn’t have to miss any of the bands on Saturday and Sunday.
However, we were late leaving (as organised as ever) and then had to tackle the M25 on a Friday afternoon ( you can see were this is going!!) and then sat in a 5mile tail back just to get onto the camp!!

Once there it was pretty much a free for all. There were already lots and lots…………………and lots of people already pitched and settled ( I was so bloody jealous at that point and mumbling under my breath why we are never that organised!) As we couldn’t get a trolley cart to help with the baggage, the queue was humongous, so we decided to grab the tent and find a pitch and at least get the tent up (which is no easy feat in itself) and that way we could come back for the rest……………………..which really is a lot as we never learn to travel light!

The gear minus our duvet and pillows which we nearly forgot!!
And then the tent of course!!!!

After traipsing all around the world, or so it felt, we eventually found the ‘Family field’ that was already full and not all with families!! We eventually ended up in a field that was closer to the car park and certainly had more room between tents without being squashed in like sardines.
We trooped on and sorted the tent which isn’t easy peasy at the best of times without a hinderer like me helping (but not in a good way). Anyway all hands on deck and it was sorted and I left the boys to ferry the rest of the gear back from the car as I cooked the dinner!!

still haven’t quite got sorted as you can see and it was getting dark!!

At that point the plan of enjoying the extras ie: silent disco etc had gone out the window. But at 10pm we thought what the hell- lets go grab a cold beer and have a wander. The kids were up for it with a promise of a go on the amusements!! I’m so glad we did as we came across these peeps:-

brill costumes and they were soo nice to the boys too

Eventually we fell into bed around midnight totally exhausted. But all was great in the morning as we had a lay in and we woke up to a glorious morning. We topped that with a fab cooked breakfast which set us up for the day ahead.

nothing like a cooked brekkie when your camping…..YUM!

That was before the impending doom of the rain clouds that were quickly approaching. We ended up like this…….

There’s Pimms in that there cup! The rain didn’t dampen my drinking LOL

Soooo not funny!!!!
However, someone was definitely looking down on us as the sun eventually came out and we enjoyed a great day with totally fab music.

Billy Ocean was absolutley FAB!!!
Howard Jones one of my absolute fav’s did a fantastic set but didn’t play ‘Hide and Seek’…….how very dare he!!!!!
Bananarama were brill…….very funny in between songs too. The crowd loved them!

Ohh I do love a firework display…….yes sad I know!!

That night finished with Holly Johnson’s rendition of ‘The Power of Love’  and a fireworks display thrown in for good measure.

We trudged back to the camp exhausted and cold and fell into bed pretty much comatosed!!

Sunday…………..and it was all to come again. But we were more organised this time. We packed for all eventualities, coats, ponchos, sun cream, hats, umbrella ( for rain or shine!) and some sneaky Pimms to boot!

Spot the festival welly socks….minus the welly’s that I had to take off it was so warm!
Me and OH grooving!!

Our sky that evening……stunning!
Boys will be boys!

That night finished with The Human League, not my favourite by a long shot and really would have liked Kim Wilde to have finished the night as the crowd completely ‘rocked’ when she was on. as well as The Village People ( don’t laugh) they really had the crowd going, even the security guys up the front were doing the YMCA!!!!!

The boys today were in full festival mode, singing to the crowd karaoke and rocking with their Glo sticks in the evening.

That’s us screaching…..’We’re the kids in America’!!!!!!!!
The Human League…..great set just not my cup of tea!!!

Sadly we trudged back to our tent with the knowledge that we had to be up at 5.30am to pack up and be away early as my youngest was going to be on a course that day ( such bad planning on my part!!). So after not sleeping a wink I was up to this view making tea at 5.30………………………….lovely in an odd sort of way.

Truly gorgeous, calm and quiet!!

Surprisingly, we were packed and on the road by 8.45am ( how would have thought it) very impressive as it’s no easy feat with two whingy boys to get up and fed and ready!!

However, chatting in the car on the way home and playing one of our 80’s CD’s we asked the boys who they liked:-
13 yr old…………Nik Kershaw!!
                           Haircut 100!!!
                           Kim Wilde ( although not sure he should admit that to his friends)
                           Village People ( definitely not mentioning that one!!!)

10 yr old………….Billy Ocean ( good choice as he was fab)
                            Go west!!
                             Village People!!! ( really he won’t live it down!!)

When asked if they would go again it was a resounding …………………YES!!

They loved the ‘grunge”….. not showering for days, eating cooked breakfasts and staying up very late!!
I thought the ‘grunge’ would be too much for me to bear ( festival camping is a whole other experience than normal camping…………don’t get me started on the porta loos………………….that could really scar you for life!!!)

However, I never knew ‘dirty’ could be soooo much fun!!

Needless to say after a coma style sleep when we got back my shower has never felt so good.

So here’s to next year! ( oh forgot OH has a leave ban from mid June through to September due to the Olympics…………………..Ok I think he feels a sicky coming on already……………………….ssshhhhhh don’t tell anyone!! LOL

Ready Steady camp!

- TracyB 3 Comments

Yes you read it right…..camp! We are off again, tomorrow in fact. Now there’s lots of festivals going on over the summer with great bands, brilliant music, lots of alcohol, playing how to find your tent at the end of the night etc, etc…….you get the picture.

So when we heard this festival being talked about and advertised my OH and I looked at each other, a plan hatched and tickets were booked. Now being in our early 40’s we are not hitting a mid life crisis and pretending we are younger than we are, or trying to be ‘hip and down with the kids’!! So before you all get very impressed thinking we are heading to a Glastonbury style festival and that we must be really cool and laid back parents to be taking our kids off camping ‘a la festival
style’……………………….we are not!

So although we may at some point over the weekend re live our youth, embarrass our kids with our dancing, and force them to wave luminous Glo sticks at any sad songs whist singing ( very out of tune) at the top of our voices……………………………………we will not be cheering to any ‘cool’ bands of recent years!

Oh no, not this family. We will be heading to Henley, hoping for sunny dry weather. For a whole weekend we will be surrounded by luminous clothing, mullet wigs, legwarmers (and that’s just me……only kidding!) as we will be at the REWIND festival. A full 2 days of 80’s bands, beer in plastic glasses, people in our own age range who remember these bands and the words to their songs, and OK I might have to wave a few Glosticks!!

So wish me luck as Friday brings a long day of packing, unpacking, hawking everything to our pitch, erecting a very large and heavy tent (actually that will be OH and the boys), cooking dinner(that will definitely be my job) and then dragging our boys to the delights of the ‘Silent Disco’!!!!!

I feel a nervous breakdown approaching very rapidly!! Or at least a body breakdown after a very bad M.E day today!!!!!!
So lots of coffee, berroca’s and energy drinks I think………………………..and that’s before the Saturday and Sunday of fab 80’s music!!!!!

I sooooo cannot wait…………………………………..be warned it could will get messy.