I’m no spring chicken at 48 years old, and I have done my time over the years at making new years resolutions only to last a few weeks and fall right back into the habits of a lifetime, but with the added bonus of feeling like a failure to boot – and that’s before I now factor in a chronic illness that sees me deal with constant pain every day. I’ve certainly learned over the past 10 years of dealing with illness and pain that I have very little control of how my body will be from day to day. It eats away at any control you have over life in general, on a daily basis, let alone factor in dramatic new years resolutions like joining a gym, or getting out running or even walking for that matter. Any activity I do has a huge knock on affect that impacts what I will be able to do either later that day or for a few days after.
So this year, as with the last previous few years, I have opted for very small changes across the year that then accumulate to make a bigger change overall, without putting any pressure on myself or creating unnecessary anxiety. The changes are very small steps that creates a bit of a ripple into the year, and yet they can be totally achievable even with a chronic illness. So there will be no big New Years resolutions here.
I have been unhappy with my weight for some time, probably for a good year or so and my clothing now all resembles everything loose and flowy (which doesn’t help to be honest!)
The weight has slowly crept on over a long period of time, little by little, until I have gone up a size or two in dress size and now even those are no longer fitting comfortably. Everything I buy is cover up, long, oversized with a vest top underneath to help hold things in. I am on the short side at only 5′ 2″ so any extra weight at all has nowhere to hide. I have felt uncomfortable, fat and self conscious for a while and hate squeezing into clothes that never fit properly. It’s not just the fact I have to go up a size its more the fact I have an awkward shape as I put all my weight on around my middle. This means when I go up a size to fit my middle I end up looking like I’m a kid waiting to grow into my new school uniform!
I have not made ANY resolutions this year. I have NOT set any major goals to achieve either. My reason being that if I don’t do the things I have vowed to I would I feel like a failure and look back with disappointment.
This year a few things have popped into my head that I would like to make time for, but my life wont stop, or I wont feel like a failure if I don’t really get the chance to do them. I hope that makes sense.
Life begins at 40 is what they say. People can start new things, try new things, and start to get some of their lives back as the children start to get older. For some it can be new relationships, new house, new country even.
I’m not sure what has happened to me since I turned 40 almost 2 yrs ago. Things have changed for me in so many ways:
*I now have a long term illness that stops me from working and makes me quite dependant on others around me
* After years of stating I would NEVER camp I now am a complete camping covert
* I am now old enough to have both of my children at Secondary school ( from September)
* I am now the owner of 2 cats- after never being a ‘cat lover’!
* I have now started knitting and LOVE it
* I know walk using a walking stick!
HOWEVER THERE IS SOMETHING THAT HAS HAPPENED THAT HAS ME CONCERNED FOR MY MENTAL HEALTH………………………………..
* I now LOVE to go FISHING!!!!
I know I know there must be something seriously wrong!
We headed out after the youngest went to school and set up, it was a lovely day and very peaceful. In fact I didn’t want to leave and have already booked my next trip out on the calendar!!
SO LIKE I SAID……………………………………………….I’M WORRIED ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH!!!
Crazy things can start to happen when you turn 40…………BE WARNED PEOPLE………BE WARNED!