As I sit here writing this I am still feeling the affects of drinking way too many cocktails at a Christmas party last night, and I am watching White Christmas for the very first time!
It’s the ultimate Christmas cliche isn’t it? Christmas parties, festive hangovers and idyllic lazy afternoons watching Christmas films and feeling like its just ‘the most wonderful time of the year’. However, what you don’t see is the inevitable Christmas overwhelm that I have now come to expect every year. My husband loves Christmas and says it’s his favourite time (and day) of the year………………..well I mean you would wouldn’t you if you if it literally landed on your lap with virtually no effort whatsoever! That’s how it is most years, I sort ALL the presents (even for all his side of the family), I sort everything we get for our boys, I organise all of the food and treats………Oh and then I obviously cook dinner most years ( although thankfully I am not this year as we are at the in laws on the day). That generally leads to an annual Christmas meltdown for me at some point, normally fairly close to the big day, when I realise I haven’t got everything I need, haven’t wrapped anything and realise I haven’t got something we need for the actual dinner. Anyway you get the general picture.
Yet on good ‘ol social media everyone is literally Christmassing the shit out of life, putting their decs up as early as possible, having all their pressies wrapped by December 1st and their food order slot booked, and so can sit smugly back and take time for themselves to get their Christmas nails done, order their party dresses enjoy the wonderful festive season in all it’s glory.
Me, on the other hand, am still ordering stuff of Amazon, hoping I’ve got enough wrapping paper and already panicking about the ridiculously early morning I have on Saturday morning to go and get the all important fresh food shop. You see Christmas is very different when you suffer with chronic pain. It impacts every single day of your life let alone at THE busiest time of the year. Trying to pace all the things you need to do with enough rest time in between, slowly running out of time and realising that if it’s all going to get done then there is no rest time…………..and that leads to flare ups and meltdowns, in my case.
So, my Christmas night out with my sewing group was fabulous and much needed and I knew today would be a wasted day in regards to getting anything done whilst also feeling a bit crap! ( however, I wouldn’t change that for anything as I had a fab time and it was totally worth it). But the overwhelm game is strong today which means I start to panic about how much I still have to do. On top of that, because its a busy time, I worry that I will have a massive fibro crash that will inevitably eat into the precious time I have left and therefore Christmas will be ruined! I know, I know it seems a bit extreme but that’s just how it is with chronic illness and chronic pain combined with the added activity and stress that leads up to the day itself.
But even without the illness, I think I would still feel overwhelmed. I can’t be the only one who gets like this though, can I? I literally feel like a total Grinch because I’m not drowning in festive hot chocolates watching Christmas movies all day long, with everything wrapped and ready.
So help me out here folks……………….am I the only one?